It's almost 9 years since my mum's mother died.
But that day is so fresh in my memory, it feels like it was yesterday.
And I still cry when I think of her.

"Avo Jesuina", was the most wonderful person I've known.
She loved me unconditionally and the feeling was reciprocal.

Grandma was a widow very young, my mum was only 2 years old when she lost her dad.
Grandma married again and became a widower again when mum was 14 years old.

Both the men of her life died in an accident and she never had a man again for the rest of her life.

She dedicated herself to her children, my mum and uncle, and later to her grandchildren.

But I was special. We had a mum/daughter/friend relationship. My older sister was "adopted" by dad's mum,I was "adopted" by mum's mum and my younger sister always said, she arrived too late so she had no grandma.

When I was a child my idea of holidays was to go to her house, I loved it!

When I was about 7 years old, there was a earthquake. Everybody was running like mad, panicking,but grandma (who was visiting us) just holded me and said, oh lord help us, we are going to die, but I'll die happy because I have my darling in my arms.:b

She was a very little woman and I had the habit of always run to her arms everytime. Until I grew up and it become impossible, but I still ran.;)

Along the years she spend her little spare money buying my trousseau (oh yes, that is still part of our culture!).

When I got married, I didn't need to buy bed sheets for many, many years!

I always visited her, even with my busy life and if something was not well with her health, my mum would tell me and I would drive at 130 mph ( I had a good car, alright?) to get to hers and do all I could do.

Then one day I moved to Brazil and pardon me all the rest of the family, she was the person I missed the most.

During my 7 year stay in Brazil, our contact was little, but I knew how she was. And as it happens when people get older, she became ill, nobody told me precisely what was wrong with her, I found out later she had Parkinson disease.

Initially my mum took her home, but she told me she couldn't take care of her.
I was mad at mum for a while, because the idea of my grandma staying in a care home was unthinkable! How dared she, after all the love and care her mum dedicated her!

In 2000 I returned to Portugal and stayed in my sisters house.

And I went to this horrible care home to visit grandma. I was warned that she lost her memory and wouldn't recognize me.

When I saw her sitting on an armchair with a thingy around her waist to prevent her from "running away", I cried so much I can't describe it.
And I stayed there on my knees with my arms around her, holding her tight.

Her voice was very low but oh yes, she knew who I was, so well!
And then she begged me: Take me with you to your house.

And I burst into more tears and told her, that's all I wanted to do, but right now I don't have a house! (hubby was already in England and we moved a few months later).

I said, may Our Lady of Fatima help you. And she answered, may she take me.

A few days later she passed away.

Her funeral was one the saddest days of my life.

All the family was there and every single person, and I mean everyone would come to me and say: She was just waiting for you to go in peace.

I kissed her and said goodbye.

And I know she's with me, call me nuts, but I feel her presence far too often, even thought I don't actually believe in that stuff.

Love you forever avo Jesuina.